5 Proven Principles of Communication

"The effectiveness of any communication depends on how closely the receiver’s understanding matches the sender’s intent." - Paul Watzlawick

Missing Link is always on the lookout for ways to improve communication, whether written or verbal. Good communication is the most important ingredient in a project's success; conversely, a product or service that meets requirements may still leave a negative overall impression if you’re not communicating well with the client.

The good news is that effective communication skills are not necessarily innate—they can be learned. With that in mind, take a few moments to consider these 5 principles of effective communication.

1. It’s not about you; it’s about your audience.

A good communicator is able to adapt the message and deliver it in a way that is suitable for the intended audience. If you’re trying to sell a high-tech back-end administration system to a big corporate client, for example, you will use different words with the HR manager than you will with the IT support team.

The other way to phrase Principle 1 is this: If the recipient didn’t understand you, it’s your fault. Although it sounds harsh, consider this: you can't control someone else's understanding, but you can control the way you deliver a message. Focusing your efforts on adapting to your audience will yield far greater results than blaming them for not 'getting it'.

2. The medium is the message—but so are the words, the format, the sender, the receiver, and the context.

Consider not only the content of the message but also how it is conveyed. For example, if you need someone to complete a number of detailed action items, a good strategy could be to send them an email with a numbered list of the required actions so they have something unambiguous to refer to outlining the expectations you have of them. However, if the receiver is someone known to be terrible at managing emails, a phone call could be a better choice.

Be clear as to what the recipient of your message is expected to do. Are you sending them information just to ‘keep them in the loop’ or do you want them to respond with their opinion? Spell out what is expected, let them know the appropriate way to respond (email? telephone? smoke signal?) and don’t complain that it took two weeks for them to get back to you if you don’t state a specific deadline for their response!

Context is important. If you have a serious point to convey to someone, don’t mention it if you happen to see them at the water cooler – the casual context could undermine your message and the recipient could mistakenly underestimate its importance. Make sure the content and the context of the message match.

3. Don’t take anything personally, but be aware of the personal in what you say.

A wise person (I think it might have been Daffy Duck) once said "wherever you go, there you are". An alternate version of this truism could be "whatever you say, there you are". We are all human beings; we perceive the world and our interactions with it through a filter based on a personal set of beliefs and a worldview crafted from our own experiences and assumptions. The nuance and meaning I attach to particular words could be quite different to how you intended them—and because of this, every time we communicate with another human being there’s a chance our message is received with a different interpretation from what we intended.

For example, if my boss tells me I need to concentrate on being more efficient in my dealings with customers, she might associate 'efficient' with 'helpful':

"Would you like to place the order? I’ve already filled in a form with the details so all you need to do is provide your credit card number and I’ll process it for you straight away."

However, perhaps I associate being 'efficient' with being 'impersonal':

"Would you like to place the order? You can go do it through our website (that way I can efficiently get on with other work)."

My response to my boss’s request could potentially be quite different to the one she intended. Always be aware of your own personal filter, as well as the fact that everyone you communicate with has their filters as well.

[Now that I think about it, it might have been Buddha who imparted that aforementioned piece of wisdom—but I still like to believe it was Daffy.]

4. Your skill at communicating will be judged by how well you listen.

People who simply listen while others talk are often judged to be ‘great conversationalists’. Expert salespeople know that prospective clients are not receptive to a pitch if they get interrupted or feel their own points haven’t been duly listened to.

By taking the time to listen, you not only open yourself to gaining valuable insight into the person you’re listening to, which can help you tailor your message to them (see point 1), but you will also set up a scenario of reciprocity whereby, once listened to, your recipient will feel impelled to give your message the same due consideration as you gave theirs.

5. Effective communication sacrifices neither kindness nor truthfulness.

'Kindness' is a loaded term, and frequently is associated with being a pushover, or being deceitful (e.g. by not speaking up about something for fear of hurting another’s feelings). But being kind doesn’t really mean you have to let people walk all over you or that you need to treat others with kid gloves.

Being kind means recognizing that the people you interact with are just that: people. People who have their own strengths and limitations, and more often than not are doing the best they can with what they’ve got. When you’re kind to others they become more comfortable with you, are more receptive and open, and are more willing to return your efforts in kind. Addressing disagreements isn’t cruel if people are treated with respect and dignity. On the other hand, never addressing issues is an extremely limiting way of being, and can foster resentment.

Embracing kindness means we expect the best of people, and we ensure they have the tools they need to deliver on that expectation while making it clear that we understand they are, at the end of the day, still mere mortals.

We learn to talk around the age of two, but we can spend a lifetime learning to be better communicators. Luckily it’s not too difficult to get greatly improved results by bearing in mind the principles outlined above—see how many of them you can employ the next time you need to get a message across.